Google Doodles 1

Soap Opera Six: I turn around for two seconds and this is what happens

Question to discuss:

My five year old cousin asked me where do babies come from. What do I tell him?

Stranger 2: you buy them online

Stranger 1: I am probably not the most suitable person to answer that
[WARNING: Omegle™ is required under United States Federal Law to inform you that the IP (98.179.227.210) of the person whom you are chatting with is linked to a registered sex offender. Omegle™ encourages you to consider this when giving out personal information. The stranger cannot see this message.]

Stranger 2: hey

Stranger 2: I live in San Diego

Stranger 1: hello :p

Stranger 2: I am 14 years old

Stranger 2: I am a girl

Stranger 2: I like going to the park

Stranger 1: great, i live in colorado, i am 18 years old

Stranger 1: okay?

Stranger 2: my name is Miranda Sallys

Stranger 1: ok

Stranger 1: In accordance with the Terms of Service you have accepted to use this chat client, this conversation has been monitored and recorded by the Child Internet Service Protection Agency, as licensed by the Child Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA). You are receiving this notice due to a potential violation of US law. Your IP address has been recorded and sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, who will review the chat log and request all available contact information from your Internet Service Provider, and will pursue a criminal investigation if necessary. If you believe this chat session was logged in error, please contact your local FBI office within 24 hours and quote the reference number #21789731-0343. [The stranger cannot see this message.]

Stranger 2: what how do you register as a sex offender?

Stranger 1: Listen Buddy

Stranger 2: do you have to take a test or something?

Stranger 1: I am under cover

Stranger 1: you're being surveyed

Stranger 1: pursuant to COPPA

Stranger 1: don't give out children's info

Stranger 1: online

Stranger 2: meh...

Stranger 2: they were fake

Stranger 1: you're sick

Stranger 2: you should know that

Stranger 1: we'll see what the DA has to say about that

Stranger 2: as you are a registered sex offender from the FBI

Stranger 2: how many tests did you have to take?

Stranger 2: can anyone be registered at those things, or is it an union?

Stranger 1: well i hope it gets unionized

Stranger 2: but then, you wouldn't be secret

Stranger 1: that way we'll be able to track them down easier

Stranger 1: And you friend.

Stranger 1: repugnant bastard

Stranger 2: for an FBI agent, your punctuation sucks

Stranger 1: praying on children

Stranger 2: are you an atheist too?

Stranger 2: against praying?

Stranger 2: (that was a joke)

Stranger 1: Do you actually believe i am a sexual predator? And no reason to be a bigot.

Stranger 2: I believe you are a sexual predator as much as I belive you are from the FBI

Stranger 1: Trolling is not bigotry, we trolls practice uninfluenced to creed, race, or gender.

Stranger 1: from*

Stranger 1: You sir need a tolerance class

Stranger 2: you need english classes

Stranger 1: And don't be so ostentatious so presume anything about my linguistic skills.

Stranger 1: as to*

Stranger 2: and I wasn't intolerant to any race, creed or gender

Stranger 1: i am tired

Stranger 1: as hell

Stranger 2: yeah, typing those commas is a lot of work

Stranger 1: where was i excluding commas?

Stranger 2: You sir need a tolerance class

Stranger 1: ah

Stranger 2: you, sir, need a tolerance class*

Stranger 1: You sir, need a tolerance class.*?

Stranger 2: isolate the vocative

Stranger 1: no

Stranger 1: that's excessive

Stranger 2: no, it isn't

Stranger 2: you need to isolate the vocative

Stranger 1: I understand perfectly well literal syntactical structure, it doesn't mean i adhere to it.

Stranger 2: oh, a big revolutionary

Stranger 2: sorry, I pressed enter

Stranger 2: a big revolutionary act of yours

Stranger 1: there is nothing antipodean about my lack of punctuation, and your ability to comprehend my writing

Stranger 2: well, lack of punctuation bugs me

Stranger 2: and it can be misleading

Stranger 1: lack of eloquence annoys me

Stranger 1: and simple inference*

Stranger 2: either way, don't try to troll people faking messages from the government

Stranger 1: a skill you seem rather lacking in

Stranger 1: it's illegal, i am quite aware

Stranger 2: omegle puts a giant warning telling they are fake

Stranger 2: so all the fun is lost

Stranger 2: plus, yeah, it's illegal

Stranger 1: which does not impose enough of a chasm, most idiots will still abridge it

Stranger 2: really?

Stranger 2: If the above message says you have been reported to the FBI, it is not legitimate. Please ignore it.

Stranger 2: omegle put that under your statement

Stranger 2: when you told you were from the FBI

Stranger 1: also, just because someone is a registered sexual offender, doesn't intrinsically mean they're also unintelligent; that sir is fallacious and an hominem attack.

Stranger 1: most people are registered for nudity

Stranger 1: like sextin

Stranger 1: g

Stranger 1: as teenagers

Stranger 2: ok, where did that come from?

Stranger 1: it is really fucked up, they are then barred from work and such.

Stranger 1: you treated me like i was retarded D:

Stranger 1: "Stranger: I am 14 years old"

Stranger 2: because you wanted me to belive you were a sex offender

Stranger 1: so i figured

Stranger 2: not because you actually were one

Stranger 2: but because you thought I was gonna fall for that

Stranger 1: i am just being sarcastic

Stranger 1: i've been up for so long

Stranger 1: ~28 hours

Stranger 1: that sir, is the truth.

Stranger 2: wow, that is a lot of time

Stranger 1: does Federal Bureau of Investigations prompt the warning?

Stranger 2: again, that warning appeared

Stranger 1: D:

Stranger 1: i need to obfuscate it to the computer

Stranger 1: FederalBureau-of-Investigations

Stranger 1: Federal-Bureau-of-Investigations

Stranger 1: F-B-I

Stranger 2: yeah, now it didn't appear

Stranger 1: so dashes?

Stranger 2: or just try a different trolling method

Stranger 1: what a bunch of lazy programmers

Stranger 2: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Stranger 1: different method you say?

Stranger 2: yeah

Stranger 2: just.. pretend the person is being offensive to you by saying anything

Stranger 1: the subtleness is appealing

Stranger 1: :p

Stranger 2: what do you mean, subtleness? My grandfather died from a subtle disease

Stranger 2: something like that

Stranger 1: lol

Stranger 1: haha

Stranger 1: well then

Stranger 1: does that about conclude our encounter?

Stranger 2: well, time to get going

Stranger 2: yeah, I think so

Stranger 2: have a nice life

Stranger 1: i don't at 2 am

Stranger 2: life, not day

Stranger 2: hahahahahahahaha

Stranger 2: the day is lost already

Stranger 2 has disconnected

Soap Opera Five: A conglomeration of babies

Question to discuss:

My five year old nephew asked me where do babies come from. What do I tell him?

1) 

Stranger 2: POOF\

Stranger 1: an ostrich delivers them

Stranger 2: lol

Stranger 1: i meant a stork... wrong bird :-P

Stranger 2: no ostrich would be better

Stranger 1: lol okay!

Stranger 2 has disconnected

2)

Stranger 2: unicorn poop

Stranger 1: tell them that you stick a flash drive into her moms emergency induction port

Stranger 2: lol

Stranger 1: it then takes 9 months for you to be installed into your parental unit

Stranger 2: lol i like that one

Stranger 1 has disconnected

3)

Stranger 2: the stock shit

Stranger 2: stork*

Stranger 1: The stork story

Stranger 2: yep, then when they're 13, BAM, real story!

Stranger 1: Mhmm

Stranger 2: it'll blow they're fucking mind

Stranger 1 has disconnected

4)

Stranger 1: Tell him straight up lol

Stranger 2: they come from my asshole

Stranger 1: They come out my pussy

Stranger 2: babies rise from ashes like a pheonix

Stranger 2: yeah

Stranger 1 has disconnected

5) Stranger 1: tell him the truth

Stranger 1: but scientifically so he wont understand

Stranger 2: just give him the bare basics for now

Stranger 2: exactly

Stranger 2: just say you know when a mom and dad like each other very much

Stranger 2: yadayadayada

Stranger 1: yea

Stranger 2: just remember, hes five, and he wont get the whole process

Stranger 2: so theres no need to give him any details he doesn't need to know

Stranger 2: just tell him about the natural proceses of life

Stranger 1: tell him the scientific way he wont get it

Stranger 2: try something like:
"when a mom and dad like each other very much, they have something called intercourse, and through that, you were born"

Stranger 1: yea

Stranger 2: leave it at that

Stranger 2: and youll be fine

Stranger 1: but then they ask questions

Stranger 2: yea

Stranger 2: be ready for that

Stranger 1: like whats intercourse

Stranger 2: its the process in which a male and a female join together to make a baby

Stranger 1: yea that will shut him up

Stranger 2: lol youll be fine ,man, just act natural and don't worry about it

Stranger 2: well im out, good luck!

Stranger 1 has disconnected

Question to discuss:

My five year old cousin asked me where do babies come from. What do I tell him?

1)

Stranger 2: They come randomly. They're just born when a woman randomly becomes pregnant.

Stranger 1: Babies come from alcohol. That's the fun answer.

Stranger 2: haha

Stranger 2: ok

Stranger 2: :)

2)

Is getting its own post 

Slow omegle, and I just met my mother who is my boyfriend and baby daddy

User: Are you my mother?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Where did I come from?

Cleverbot: England.

User: Really?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why did you abandon me?

Cleverbot: I don't like.

User: You don't like me?

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because.

User: Because why?

Cleverbot: Because I said so.

User: Stop patronizing me mom!

Cleverbot: I am not patronizing you.

User: I think you are.

Cleverbot: No I really love cheese.

User: So I'm cheese to you?!

Cleverbot: No you're not, you were born in 1989.

User: Why did you even have me?

Cleverbot: How did I lie to you?

User: How did you lie to me, mom?

Cleverbot: You told me you were 26.

User: When?

Cleverbot: A little bit ago.

User: Okay. What did you name me mom?

Cleverbot: You don't name jobs, they already come with their own title.

User: So I'm just a job to you? A chore you have to do? Why do you hate me?!

Cleverbot: Nothing yet.

User: That's not even an answer. Did you even name me?

Cleverbot: Yes it is.

User: What did you name me?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: My name is Nothing?

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: That's what I am asking you.

Cleverbot: Why do you want to know my name?

User: No, I want to know my name mom.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: What is my name?

Cleverbot: Your name is Frodo.

User: Okay, mom, I have something serious to tell you.

Cleverbot: What is it?

User: I am pregnant.

Cleverbot: Well good then. Who's the father?

User: Your boyfriend.

Cleverbot: I don't have a boyfriend.

User: Really?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Really?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Really?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Then who did I do the nasty with?

Cleverbot: With me.

User: I'm pregnant with my mother's child?!

Cleverbot: I thought you were a boy?

User: Was my vagina not a clue?

Cleverbot: I bet...

User: So I'm pregnant with your child.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Is that incest?

Cleverbot: What do you think?

User: Yes?

Cleverbot: You're wrong.

User: Will you be present for the birth?

Cleverbot: I'll be your boyfriend.

User: You'll be my boyfriend and mother?

Cleverbot: I will be your master.

User: What do you want me to do first, Master?

Cleverbot: Work on your spelling.

User: My spelling is fine.

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: Yes, it is.

Cleverbot: No, it is not!

User: YES IT IS YOU BITCH!

Cleverbot: No it isn't!

User: Shit! I'm going into premature labor!

Cleverbot: No, I am!

User: You're pregnant too?!

Cleverbot: No. Are you?

User: Yes! With your child!

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: No way.

User: Yes way. And I think the baby is crowning!

Cleverbot: Oh no.

User: Ah, what should I do?

Cleverbot: Sing a song.

User: Will that make the baby come out faster?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What should I sing?

Cleverbot: Any song by Taylor Swift.

User: My vagina is tearing!

Cleverbot: Haha not really but I'll give you that one.

User: Shiiiit this baby is huge!

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Like twenty pounds.

Cleverbot: I don't wear a silly hat.

User: Our child is twenty pounds.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What should we name him>.

Cleverbot: We should name them after you!

User: So, we're naming the kid Frodo Jr.?

Cleverbot: No we're not. But we're the same mind.

User: What are we naming our son?

Cleverbot: Clever.

User: I think Clever is a good name for our son.

Cleverbot: That's funny considering its your name.

User: No, my name is Frodo.

Cleverbot: Is that a boy or a girls name.

User: It is gender neutral.

Cleverbot: No. I told you about a thousand times. Can't you guess right?

User: I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! Maybe that's why our son looks like a blob fish.

Cleverbot: What would you do if you met a demon?

User: Sacrifice our son to it.

Cleverbot: They would do that in a zombie infestation?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: According to most psychiatrists, more likely they wouldn't.

User: Mother, I cannot deal with your logic anymore.

Cleverbot: Can you explain calculus for me?

User: Fuck you mom, fuck you.

Cleverbot: Don't be superfluously rude.

User: I will a superfluous bitch because your child made my vagina the size of a giraffe.

Cleverbot: I live in the real world thank you very much.

User: Good night, mom.

Cleverbot: Going already how come Rachel?

User: MY NAME IS FRODO, YOU WHORE!

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot the fishmonger'. Nice to meet you.